Friday, May 29, 2009

Goodbye and Hello

It's been a while. I've been hiding. I've been hiding in shame. "Why?" you ask? I got myself and others excited about the kitten, you know, the one I blogged about, the one I had people take a poll to decide his name.

It was Friday last week and I had all my cat necessities, ready to welcome him to his new home. I picked the kitty up from my friend, Amy, who works at a pet hospital and was taking care of four stray kittens at her own home. She helped me so much through the whole process and I'm very thankful for everything she's done. When I drove back home, I let Yoshi (I settled with that name) out of the carrier and into the kitchen. He slowly crept out, smelling every inch of the floor, wondering what is this middle-eastern smelling place.

Long story short: he was adorable, he was friendly, and he was a kitten. I don't think I was ready to take care of kitten, nor were my parents. I was too eager to have a pet that I didn't think of the responsibilities that it came with. It didn't help that it shot out diarrhea everywhere in the house. It also didn't help that his diarrhea smelled a million times worse than human diarrhea. Even when he'd rarely walk to the litter box, he'd settle in the litter, then stick his butt outside of the litter box and literally shoot diarrhea everywhere, shoot! I was trying to adjust to the new change in the house, but my mom wasn't having it, at all. It was ultimately her decision on rather he stays or he goes and away he went. I felt bad, I missed him, but no one was ready for him and for some reason, we thought we were.

On a brighter note, my girlfriend is finally coming home from Virginia for the summer and I'm super duper, diarrhea pooper, excited!!! Being in a long distance relationship is like visiting the food sampler lady every weekend at the market. Not only do you have to wait every weekend for her, but when she's finally there, she gives you so little. Lara's my food sampler lady. Sorry for the most retarded analogy in the world. With video chat and constant communication on the phone, it really helps with the distance. What does suck is that our time together always has a beginning and end. Like, yeah she's coming today, but I'm already dreading when she has to leave; bye bye food sampler lady lara :(

"Good morning, and in case I don't see ya, good afternoon, good evening, and good night!"
- Truman Burbank

Sunday, May 17, 2009

Magic Bathrooms and Kitty Cats

My peak of creativity takes place either on the toilet or in the shower. On the toilet, it's like I'm shitting out life's worries and flushing them away, and in the shower, I'm in absolute peace. The water from the shower head acts as this warm protective armor, making me feel safe and at my maximum pure-tential (purity+potential). I really begin to figure out life, but as soon as all the soap's washed off, I'm like, "ehhhh, life's answer can wait. Back to the crazy world" (as I tie my cape around my neck).

Seriously though, if you need epiphanies, take a long ass shower. Maybe you'll have an epiphany on how to conserve water by not taking long ass showers.

So I'll be adopting a kitten this week (about 7 weeks old) and I'm super excited (and I just can't hide it). I'm having great difficulty coming up with a name for him, but it's also fun that I get to name him. So far, these are the options:

- Simba (because my name sounds like "Mufasa")
- Butters - South Park
- Spaghetti - from ATHF
- Yoda - Star Wars
- Yoshi - Super Mario Brothers
- Bjork - Bjork

You're probably thinking "WTF?", right? I'm trying not to give it a generic cat name or a human name and yes, "Bjork" is not a human name, she's not human, but she is an amazing artist. Help me out with this one; what do you guys prefer or suggest? Hopefully these picture help.

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

The Best Damn Sauce in the World

Another Trader Joe's plug, but I can't help it, they're amazing! I was at Trader Joe's about two weeks ago shopping for the usual: avocado, cheese, milk, and I also decided to pick up a bag of sweet potato fries. I got everything I intended to buy, but then I thought, "I can't have sweet potato fries with plain ol' ketchup or hot sauce, I need something that won't dominate in flavor, but instead compliment the fries", and that's when I came to the column of sauces and saw the stir fry sauce and I knew...I knew, that this was the one. I stood there staring at it, awing at it's beauty, daring myself to touch it as if it was some fragile historical artifact. The very moment my finger tips made contact with the bottle, I envisioned my many delicious moments with this sauce.

Were my preconceived assumptions correct? Hell freaking yes they were. You can practically have this with anything: Chicken, fries, fish, vegetables, rice, beef, and yes, even ice cream. Do yourself, family, and friends a favor and pick up this amazing sauce from Trader Joe's.

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

The Mysterious Shirt

It was many months ago when I saw my mom's new black shirt for the first time. I thought, "neat-o, cool shirt mom, but what does the Arabic writing mean?". So I asked and she answered, "I have no clue". She's cool like that, she buys whatever she thinks will look good on her. She has this one gray sweater with a black skull and bones design all over it, what a freakin' bad-ass.

Back to the shirt. This is how I perceived it...

Weeks and months went by where I would occasionally see the shirt and was left to wonder..."what the heck does it say!?!?". Then one day, one magical day, where she was standing in the right spot, with the right amount and angle of light entering the house, that I finally noticed, that I, Mustafa Sayed, have been looking at this mysterious shirt the wrong way, the whole time! It's like when you draw a cube and you can look at it as if it's coming down to the left or going up to the right, but turns out that you're really looking at a circle! The writing wasn't even in Arabic, it was in English. When I finally read it, oh the rarest of joyous moments in life occurred. I had way too much trouble stopping myself from laughing. She was so confused, repeatedly asking, "what? what's so funny?", but I was laughing so much that every time I tried to answer, I laughed even harder trying to explain it.

The actual shirt.

Next time you see my mom, please ask her out :)

Happy Early Mother's Day, Mom!

Friday, May 1, 2009

Are You High?

While I was in the middle of my transaction inside Washington Mutual today, the teller to my right called the next person in line and made a "I don't need this right now" face. Out of curiosity, I turned around to see an old man with a shoebox sized container full of coins slowly walking towards the teller. Although she seemed like she didn't want to deal with counting pennies, she smiled and was jokingly friendly with the old man.

Wamu Girl: Hello
Old Guy: How is your day?
Wamu Girl: It was good (giggles)
Old Guy: It "was" good? (doesn't giggle)
Wamu Girl: Yeah, until now (giggles again with a hint of regret).
Old Guy: Why? (still not giggling)
Wamu Girl: Because of this (taps on coin box)
Old Guy: Don't worry, it's exactly $50 (in a very anal retentive manner)
***42 second pause***
Old Guy: Are you high?
Wamu Girl: Excuse me? (totally thrown off by the question)
Old Guy: Are you high?
Wamu Girl: Am I...high?
Old Guy: Yeah, are you high?
Wamu Girl: I don't understand

Then I had this instantaneous thought process...
He asks, "are you high?"
-> her eyes must be red
-> I look at her eyes, not red
-> he asks again
-> he slightly sounds offended by her, "it was good", comment
-> but he doesn't look offended and he's too old to use that expression
-> he asks again................and then it hits me!
-> holy shit! I'm in Glendale, she's Armenian, and I
finally picked up on his accent.
-> the dude-man's Armenian!!! asking if she's
Hye, as in Hayastan, a type of Armenian.

Right after I made my delayed conclusion, dude-man asked, "are you Armenian?", she goes "ohhhhhh", and I tuned out satisfied.

On the way out, I passed him and tickled him real quickly to finally hear him "giggle", but he just turned around stern-faced and asked, "are you high?" and I said, "as a kite", we high-fived and made out. The End.

Random unrelated to the topic picture of the day