Thursday, September 17, 2009

A Love Lost

I’m back on the market ladies, yay! (Sarcastic twirl with my index finger followed by a roll of the eyes). The way I feel right now is the way the lady with the sideburns, and basically everybody at table nine felt when Adam Sandler sang, “Love Stinks” in the Wedding Singer.

My heart aches throughout the day, but peaks before I sleep and when I first wake up. I’ve dealt with physical loneliness the last two years being in a long distance relationship (thank you for being there, right hand) and now I’m dealing with mental loneliness.

I decided to share this with you all, because in some form or other, you know how I feel. It sucks doesn’t it? I’ll be fine in the end, it’ll be a learning experience, mountains will collide, birds will poop out rainbows, blah blah blah, I know.

I was totally one of those people in a relationship that looked at a struggling couple and thought, “Must suck for them, they need to be more like us, right honey? Honey? Where are you!???” Now I’m one of those that I criticized, shit!

I’m staying positive and I’m not beating myself up over it, I’m just beating up other people over it, so it works out perfectly. The hardest part are the little associations that remind you of them. True story, I got really sad putting on my shorts this morning, like super duper sad, because I remembered when I went shopping with her to buy those shorts, so here I am standing in my room with my shorts half way up to my knees being really sad and in my head I’m thinking, “I should be laughing right now”, but instead I just stood there looking like a rape victim (that’s a messed up metaphor).

Joking aside, I am already learning a lot from this break-up and I’m learning to put myself first before anything else. I don’t know what the future will hold for me and Lara, but I know we will be in each other’s lives for sure.

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